Peer Review: Paper #2

Camden Saucier,

I felt that your essay was very well developed and contained some nice, thought out ideas. These ideas however, need to be shortened or broken up into component parts in order for them to be understandable. In addition to your ideas being well thought out, the quotes you used to accompany your ideas work well in tandem. However, when you transition from the quotes to your ideas, your interpretation gets lost in your summary of the quote. In order to strengthen these transitions, you could try to start off with your thoughts instead of summarizing what the quote says. Overall, your essay is off to a great start and the anecdotes and personal touches, your own pharmacy experiences, that you added to this essay strengthened it beyond belief. In addition, the amount of time that you connect back to pharmacy is something strengthened your essay as well.

Daisy Bryant,

Overall, your essay was very well written and well organized. The ideas you presented flowed in a very logical, easy to follow direction. The only real thing that I would suggest making to this paper better would be to lengthen it. Some of your ideas fall short and could use some further explaining. As well, finding a way to make introducing your source right off the bat, a viable option. Whether that may be swapping the introductions with another claim. Otherwise, the quotes you used supported your claims well, and your thesis is clearly stated. The concession you added was off to a great start. I would suggest elaborating on some of the points you made and adding some quotes would make it even stronger. Again, your paper is off to an amazing start, in addition to all of the things above, your connections with nursing served you very well in this first draft, add more!

Camden’s Annotations: